Could any native English speaker please help me with this?

Question: I have to send an email for finding new roommate. The posting is here and the second one is what I'm gonna write. Could anyone please edit on the second one? I would like to be as polite as I can be and also friendly. Thanks for your help! "Nice room available in house, quiet location near Bloor Stn. Share house with 2 guys (Oz & Ind) . $700 plus deposit, utilities (no key money). Todd" "Hi Todd, How are you? My name is Krzysztof. I live in Vancouver right now and am looking for a place to live in Toronto from the first day of March. I will live in Toronto until October of 2009. Could I please take a look your room on the Tuesday of 29th in the evening? I'm going to Toronto one day on 29th and have to go back to Vancouver in the day so I have to leave Toronto at least at 8PM. My email address is here aaaaa@aaaaa. Thank you for your time and have a good night Todd. Best regards. Krzysztof"

Answer: "Hi Todd, How are you? My name is Krzysztof. I live in Vancouver right now and am looking for a place to live in Toronto from the first of March. I will stay in Toronto until October of 2009. Could I please have a look of the room on Tuesday 29th in the evening? I'm going to Toronto for one day on the 29th and have to be back in Vancouver the same day, so I have to leave Toronto at least at 8PM. My email address is here aaaaa@aaaaa. Thank you for your time and have a good night Todd. Best regards. Krzysztof"

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